Keep in consistent contact with the member via email or telephone, even if there is little response.

​

Express sincere and unconditional love for the cult member, being empathic, non-judgemental and kind.  Become a safe person for them to share concerns with.

​

Keep a diary of comments, attitudes and events associated with their life in the cult, and keep all evidence (e.g. emails and messages).  It may be useful later on.

​​​​

Keep a record all names, addresses and phone numbers of people linked with the cult.

​

As much as you are able to, try to bite your tongue if the cult member makes unkind comments.  Sometimes retaliating can push them further into the group.

​

Do seek help from organisations specialising in counter-cult work and read books related to cults, mind control and the specific cult.  The more knowledge you have, the easier it is to make good decisions and understand what is happening.

 

If you are able to, discuss an escape route with the cult member, so they know they have options.  Where appropriate, try to be welcoming if the member returns home, this will help with their recovery.

​

Connect with people, gather allies.  Some families have found it useful to find ex-members of the group for support and enlist friends to help with research.

​

Consider enlisting the help of a person the cult member respects, as sometimes using a different person to raise concerns can be effective.

​​

Try to accept that there may come a point where there is not much else you can do.

​

Get legal advice where appropriate.

​

It can be very helpful to understand laws around coercive control, modern slavery, fraud and other crimes relevant to cult behaviour.

​​​

Avoid rushing into adopt a potential solution before carefully researching the cult problem.

​

Avoid the phrase, “you are in a cult, you are brainwashed.”  Cult leaders have often prepped their followers for this accusation and this is sometimes used to reinforce their teachings.  Additionally, it can make a person feel humiliated and this humiliation can be used to draw them deeper into the group.

​​

Avoid giving money to the member, it is likely they are being financially exploited and the money will go straight to the group or leader.

​

Avoid giving away original cult documents to anyone, provide copies only.  Evidence may be very important at some point.

​

Try not feel guilty.  This is not a problem caused by families.  Cult members are groomed and recruited into groups and their techniques work on anybody.

​​

Avoid becoming angry or hostile towards the cult member, antagonising them, ridiculing their beliefs, or being confrontational. This behaviour may increase the risk of isolating them even further  and pushing them deeper into the group.

​​

Try not to isolate yourself.  Supporting somebody through this can feel alienating and strange.  Finding people you trust to talk to is often essential for coping with what is happening.

​

Try not to underestimate the control the cult has over each member or how malicious they can be.  Avoid antagonising the leader.  They don't always retaliate, but it may be worth reflecting on ways to keep yourself safe (E.g. speaking to your employer in case the cult leader makes false allegations against you).​

​​

Try not to neglect yourself.  This process can become all consuming and it's common for a person's self care to slip whilst trying to support somebody exiting a group.

​

Sometimes, it's good to try and avoid using the word 'cult' when contacting non-cult professionals for support.  Often the word has too many unhelpful connotations.  Words like 'grooming, coercive control, exploitation, modern slavery, scam, etc.' are often much better received, even though they describe the same thing.