Identifying a coercive controlling relationship...

In many ways, a coercive/controlling relationship is like a two-person cult as the partner or family member attempts to gain control of a person like a cult leader gains control of their followers.  

 

According to the Crown Prosecution Service, behaviours that one might experience at the hands of a perpetrator in a coercive/controlling relationship are as follows (You may see some of those in cult groups too):

• Isolating a person from their friends and family

• Depriving them of their basic needs

• Monitoring their time

• Monitoring a person via online communication tools or using spyware

• Using digital systems such as smart devices or social media to coerce, control, or upset the victim including posting triggering material

• Taking control over aspects of their everyday life, such as where they can go, who they can see, what to wear and when they can sleep – this can be intertwined with the suspect saying it is in their best interests, and ‘rewarding’ ‘good behaviour’ e.g. with gifts

• Depriving them of access to support services, such as specialist support or medical services

• Repeatedly putting them down such as telling them they are worthless

• Enforcing rules and activity which humiliate, degrade or dehumanise the victim

• Forcing the victim to take part in criminal activity such as shoplifting, neglect or abuse of children to encourage self-blame and prevent disclosure to authorities

• Economic abuse including coerced debt, controlling spending/bank accounts/investments/mortgages/benefit payments

• Controlling the ability to go to school or place of study

• Taking wages, benefits or allowances

• Threatening to hurt or kill

• Threatening to harm a child

• Threatening to reveal or publish private information

• Threatening to hurt or physically harming a family pet

• Assault

• Physical intimidation e.g. blocking doors, clenching or shaking fists

• Criminal damage (such as destruction of household goods)

• Preventing a person from having access to transport or from working

• Preventing a person from learning or using a language or making friends outside of their ethnic or cultural background

• Family ‘dishonour’

• Reputational damage

• Sexual assault or threats of sexual assault

• Reproductive coercion, including restricting a victim’s access to birth control, refusing to use a birth control method, forced pregnancy, forcing a victim to get an abortion, to undergo in vitro fertilisation (IVF) or other procedure, or denying access to such a procedure

• Using substances such as alcohol or drugs to control a victim through dependency, or controlling their access to substances

• Disclosure of sexual orientation

• Disclosure of HIV status or other medical condition without consent

• Limiting access to family, friends and finances

• Withholding and/or destruction of the victim’s immigration documents, e.g. passports and visas

• Threatening to place the victim in an institution against the victim’s will, e.g. care home, supported living facility, mental health facility, etc (particularly for disabled or elderly victims)

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(Crown Prosecution Service 2025)

 

You may also find that a coercive controlling intimate relationship is happening alongside or within a cult group.